A few months back I joined an online support group for families with loved ones who suffer from mental illness and every single day since then, I've wanted to drop out. I can barely get through one story and never share anything. I've only commented once. I'm just there trying to settle in around those who know and understand and long to feel a little comfort and hope.
I had hoped to hear more success stories in the group, but there are few. There are so many contributing factors to this problem, but I won't talk about that now. Every couple weeks as more people join, someone will inevitably ask, “Does anyone have a success story?” and every couple weeks I sit with my fingers crossed that we will hear one. There aren't many. Today, I pray to God it will be my families success story that I will be able to share so, day after day, I show up in this group listening and learning and finding ways to be and do better for the sake of my family. Mental illness requires that kind of commitment from all involved. Studies show that people who do get stable usually have highly supportive and loving families. You can't stop showing up for those you love. Set boundaries and keep them, but show up in love and truth and see what happens. In my own family, it's brought about many a reckoning and I've needed those. We all do.
Ten years ago I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and struggle with depression and anxiety on the daily. I was also diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and believe the struggles associated with ADHD led to the depression/anxiety. ADHD undiagnosed creates all sorts of life chaos. To this day, mailing a letter is a monumental feat and without fail, I overdraw my checking account every month. None of the detail stuff comes easy or naturally to me. In fact, my brain turns those worries off FIRST, so that I can make an attempt to be in the moment and be kinda sane. Sounds crazy, but it's true. I'm not lazy or ignorant. My brain just handles certain things a certain way.
In having experienced a major depressive episode several times now in life, I know this for sure: BEING LOVED WELL DURING THOSE TIMES IS CRUCIAL TO GETTING WELL. It's hard to love a depressed, anxious and ornery person, but we must. It's hard to love someone who acts out in rage because of the fear of abandonment, but we must. It's hard to love someone whose lost in active addiction because of a lifetime of trauma and oftentimes undiagnosed mental illness, but we must.
We MUST love and there are many ways to do it. None perfect, but an effort made means more than anything else. To those who have gone out of their way to love me through all my messes and upsets, I thank God for you. In tiny ways, you each helped to heal my broken heart and mind and got me back on my feet onto steady ground. That's how LOVE works and there is nothing else like it.
To those in the depths of depression right now, I love you so much. I know you don't feel much now, but I sure do love you and so do many others. If you could just lift your head a little and see our faces, our light and our love and reach out for one of our hands, WE ARE HERE and WE LOVE YOU.
This mixed media called “Losing My Mind” sold out at Le Fleur Decor in Hadley MI to a woman nearly 30 years older than me. That just made me smile. We have all been normal a time or two, but most times we are changed by life. It kicks our asses and takes us to mountaintops. We lose and find our minds time and time again and we must tarry on through all of it and hope those around us will take our hand. I'm always here to take yours.
If you've not yet visited Le Fleur Decor, you really should. It's magical and fun and will no doubt put a smile on your face. Kelly and her man Jan are so cool and have built such a wonderful oasis to escape to. I have sold my work there for years and many other artists have to. They have several fairs each year and all sorts of events and a host weddings as well. If you went there now, I'm sure you could just sit with a cup of coffee and watch things grow right before your eyes!
Whatever you face today, know that so many of us would love to wrap our arms around you tight and make everything better. We love you. I love you. Keep at it.
Big Love,
Tam
ps- we are good. YOU are good.