Hows that for a title? For real, though. Pardon me while I scrape crusty shit out of my ears. I feel like I've spent the last couple of years wallering around in dung; up to my eyeballs in it. I know so many of you feel this too. It's like I've been turned inside out and upside down and plopped down in a pile of shit with my insides exposed for all the world to see. As the contents of my life adjust to the flip and I stand again, tears fall and add to the shitty mess and pool under my feet. I'm now up to my ankles in shit and tears and all alone, or so it feels. Flips like these take time to come to grips with and the grief that accompanies it will always have its way. I remind myself that grief will either consume me or become my lifelong friend. I choose friends. Grief as an enemy is a real SOB and the more room you give it by not taking its hand, the more destruction it will create to make room for itself in YOU and ME both.
Anybody feel me? Relate at all? Or, am I alone? I suspect there are a whole LOT of us feeling a whole LOT of different things right now. Shit is hittin' the fan all around me and all I can do is this:
LOVE & PRAY
I really don't want to say it, but we all need to hear it:
IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY and (my personal fav) THEY CAN'T TAKE YOUR BIRTHDAY.
All throughout time, people have endured both victories and defeats. We've celebrated victories in the moment and grieved endlessly, all throughout time, passing that pain from one generation to the next. I see it in all around me. Do you?
I've learned it doesn't have to be that way. If and when grief is allowed it's proper time and space in our lives and we do not allow it to be all consuming, life goes on and that grief becomes part of our existence and who we are. So, I'd say how that grief looks on us is how we look to the world, right? I want to be a light and source of joy to those around me. If grief consumes me, I will not. I cannot and must not waller in the shitpiles for long. Joy will coming in the morning and grief will take its rightful place in the storehouse of my heart breaks and disappointments. And, that is the story of ALL of our lives.
I'm forever looking for joy to ease my grief. Lucky me, I don't have to look far. I'm surrounded by the most extraordinary people so my grief doesn't carry me too far off these days; I have grandkids and they ARE joy and mine to enjoy so long as I am here. I can clean shit out of all my nooks and crannies so long as I have these beauties before me. Shoot, I'll even smile doing it.
I know it's really hard to see JOY right now, friends. It feels dark and heavy and the weight of the worlds sorrow seems like a wet blanket upon us. I think we need to start building little fires to dry out that blanket...you know, make some LIGHT. Turn off the TV, close the laptop and put down the phone. Grab a book. Lie on the floor. Take a bath. Bundle up and go for a walk. Step out on your front porch and pray for your neighbors all around you. Look at the next person you encounter with a prayer in your heart for them to prosper and thrive in all they do. Hold someone's hand. Smile. Smile so damn much you feel like a clown. Don't contain your laughter; let it fucking flow. Make the kind of love you dream about and hold nothing back; let your body and voice scream. Speak nothing but kindness and forgiveness to yourself and others. Just love. Just love. Just love; for there in that space is always JOY.
There really is kindling for fire everywhere. WE CAN LIGHT SHIT UP when we connect with ourselves and the goodness in us and others. That God in us wants nothing but peace on earth and somehow uses our silly asses to bring that about. How funny is that? I believe God is way more funny that we think too. FULL of joy and laughter, just like me on my best days. I also believe we take things way too serious and God wants us to enjoy more of the gift of LIFE here NOW. That is why it is so important to engage in and with the things you say you love the most in this world and NOT give grief a foothold; it only needs to cycle and settle in (not stir shit up). To enJOY life we only need to engage with what brings us joy.
WHERE TO FIND JOY
The people. Always the People, first. I believe when we set intentions to love those we love most in the ways THEY most need to be loved, we see GOD's LOVE; merciful, kind, gracious, eternal, perfect...Nothing sweeter than this exchange between two spirits. THIS is where peace lives and how we change the world; meeting one another everyday with this respect and love.
YOUR DAMN SELF. I made a promise to myself a few years back that I would truly begin to enjoy myself and that intention changed my life. Just being in your body being YOU is a big damn deal everyday. Find that JOY.
In every created thing around you. BE IN AWE. My goodness, the shit we are impressed with is so dumb sometimes. Shit, who am I foolin? Most times. Like DUMB. Have you walked out into the woods lately? Spent the night under a starry sky? Crossed a creek barefoot? Watched a bird fly? There is nowhere our eyes can land that would be void of that awe-inducing beauty; it is literally everywhere and, the best thing? IT IS JOY INCARNATE. God's little sprinkles of EXTRA all over the place. We are without excuse. Romans 1:20 speaks to this beautifully. You should go read it. It literally says there is no excuse for us to not know God simply by looking around at all creation. This isn't hard, folks, but man do we make it.
And, finally, GOD. Yeah, they deserve your attention and YES, I did use the pronoun THEY. God is THEY, US, WE, HE, SHE, You and Me; neither man nor woman, but GOD DIVINE, creator of all living things. So now, you may be thinking, "But, why isn't God first?". Yeah, great question. I'm sure God was thinking the same thing when they sent Jesus. lol. Even with God all around, we need to see GOD'S love in others for it to become REAL in us. That's the gospel. Nobody will ever come to know the love of God any other way. A person will either come to know God simply by experiencing nature and all created things (supernatural God experiences still happen all the time), or God's love rushes them when another person full of that love shows up in their lives. Such focus these days is on sin and repentance and that's all well and fine, but it sure doesn't bring people into the peace of God's presence. Without the LOVE FIRST, God's not present.
If LOVE DOESN'T COME FIRST, God is NOT present.
So many people seem to believe that as Jesus walked into those cities some 2000 years ago, he had sin on his mind. I don't think that's true at all. I believe the ONLY thing on his mind was getting close enough to those people to LOVE them in any way they needed at that moment. That's what my faith looks like today or that's what I aim for. It's the only TRUTH that I've found works to help people heal and move into the beautiful relationship with Creator, that is intended for us all. Here I am standing in a big pile of shit, and God shows up with a big smile and grabs my hand...every single day. To boot, I usually got myself into that shit pile by being thoughtless and careless. God still smiles. That is the message of HOPE I intend to share with the world. It truly is all we need.
I've got boots, so don't worry about me, I've walked through miles of shit in my lifetime and know many of you have too. We will be okay and kick these boots off soon. I've got some fancy royal blue heels I want to get my feet in.
Painting and dancing have been my greatest sources of release this past couple of years. It is where I shine most brightly and shed the most shit. It's brilliant and incredible and I crave it every day. Once you commit to this kind of release and understand its power, you won't stray. You will come back to it and find many different ways to release, if you've got any sense.
If you want help in releasing, send me a message. I would LOVE to help you either on the mat or in front of a canvas. Every bit of release we experience in the creative process leads to greater joy in our lives. It's such a good path to be on. Don't let sadness and grief drown you in their shit piles. Stand up and take a hand, baby. A joyous life awaits.
Big, Big, Big Love Always,
Tammy
